If you've been in a relationship for a long while you may have found yourself falling into a pattern...
You and your partner know each other's moves. You may dance with grace together or finding yourself getting out of sync. And ultimately both ways may lead to you feeling a little dissatisfied or bored with the predictability of it all.
So how do we keep things feeling newer? Exciting? Spontaneous?
Be open to things being different
That means you and your partner. What happens when we step out of our comfort bubble? When today we dance or sing in front of them when usually we stay silent? When we pick a new restaurant to go to? When we talk about something we usually only talk to our best friends about? When instead of putting on Netflix we sit together and play a game of never have a I ever? Or two truths and a lie? What if we decide for a day to just say yes when all we've been used to is saying no?
What if you allow your partner the courtesy of living a week without expectations. Looking at them with every day with curiosity even though you feel like you know it all- you can already predict what they'll say or do. What if for a day or a week you don't. You open yourself up to the fact that your partner is different today than they were a year ago and that it could be awesome.
Ultimately surprise your partner and also be open to being surprised right back.
Let go of the past
If we are stuck in how things were, how can we appreciate how things are now or how they will be in the future?
The idea of things going back to how they were when you first met is a fantasy. Appreciate your past- but all of the opportunity lives in the now and in the future. Use the now to make it how you want it- you are in charge of how things go right now.
If you want something ask for it
This one ties into that first idea. Be open. Be bold. Ask for what you want. Let go of the expected answer or follow up or outcome and ask for what you desire because time is fleeting. Why wait around? Your partner is not a mind reader. They likely won't one day wake up and know exactly what you want or need in bed or in day to day life. The expectation that they will is unrealistic. If you are unhappy because your partner is not giving you what you need, maybe ask for it directly and specifically.
Say thank you. Again and again.
Be kind and be thankful. Find a way to show your partner you appreciate them. Just because they do the dishes every day and it's a part of the routine does not mean you should stop being thankful. Remind the person you love that you appreciate the garbage going out. That you love how they try to make you laugh. That it's totally awesome how they call to make all the appointments for the kids or how they worked overtime to buffer up the savings or pay for the new water heater.
Ultimately to rid yourself of the predictability and monotony you have to stop predicting how things will go. We have to stop pretending we know what will happen in a week or how our spouse will react to whatever scenario we think up. And allowing yourself to be a little unpredictable or a little different. It can be a kind of scary but it can also be extremely freeing.